


Same rules apply

by hangoverhater



Series: The One With The Spies [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, BAMF Iwaizumi, Dorks in Love, Gen, M/M, Minor Injuries, Sorry Not Sorry, pissed off Oikawa, some alcohol consumption, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-04 22:42:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5351081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hangoverhater/pseuds/hangoverhater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which there is a mission, some minor hiccups, and upset lovers. </p>
<p>Iwaizumi and Oikawa have a job to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same rules apply

**Author's Note:**

> So, this happened. Whilst trapped in IwaOi hell, I got stuck on the Spy AU -idea. And I'm still sort of stuck to it.  
> I happen to love movie references, so there's one hiding in plain sight at the end ;)

_"Iwa-chan, you should hurry up, there are five guys headed your way."_

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, typing furiously on their target’s laptop. "I’m working as fast as I can, Oikawa. I’m almost ready," he muttered, hearing the responding sigh loud and clear through his earpiece. 

_"Do you need me to give them a distraction? I could set off some fire alarms and soak them?"_

Iwaizumi snickered. "No thanks," he said breezily, sticking a flash drive into the laptop’s usb port. "I’m transferring the data now." 

He watched the screen closely until the file transfer was complete. Once it was clear, he pocketed the flash drive and turned off the laptop. He snuck out of the office just in time to see five big security guys turn the corner.

He nodded to the men. "Any of you gents know where the men’s room is? Had a bit too much champagne," he asked with what he hoped was a carefree grin. 

Three of the men simply walked past him, the two others stopped to give him a once-over. "Yeah," one of them said, "it’s down the stairs, second door on the left."

Iwaizumi smiled and mock-saluted them. "Thanks, mate!" He slipped past them and kept walking. 

Unfortunately, the security guards weren’t as stupid as he’d hoped. Just as he reached the staircase, he heard the same guard who’d directed him calling him to stop where he was.

"Shit. I need an exit strategy," he hissed, turning to face the two men walking towards him.

_"Shit. Plan B’s your best option, C if you can’t make it to the back door. I’ll handle evac."_

"What’s up?" He asked nonchalantly, allowing the two to close in on him. 

"Why are you up here, when the party’s downstairs?" The guard asked. His friend’s hand was twitching above his poorly-concealed gun. 

Iwaizumi weighed his options momentarily. "You wanna know why I’m up here?" He raised an eyebrow, glancing behind the two quickly. He couldn’t see the other three guys anymore. "This is why I’m here."

He punched the twitchy-handed one first, grabbing his gun right from its holster before pistol-whipping the first guy in the temple with it. As the guy went down, out like a light, the other one recovered from the punch enough to grab Iwaizumi’s arm. They wrestled for the gun for a moment, Iwaizumi receiving a punch to the gut for his troubles before he stepped on the other man’s foot harshly and kicked him down the stairs.

_"Iwa-chan! What’s happening? Are you hurt?"_

The other three guards, having heard the ruckus, reappeared from the office Iwaizumi had just been in. "Fuck! Exit D it is," Iwaizumi snapped his reply before turning the gun towards the closest window and firing twice.

He glanced at the three men running for him. One of them had his gun raised. Iwaizumi raised his stolen gun, aimed, and fired within seconds, taking out the guy’s kneecap.  
Oikawa was probably saying something more or less irrelevant, but he didn’t hear any of it. His ears were still ringing from the gunshot as he leapt through the shattered glass. If he remembered correctly, there should be an awning right--

Here. He hit the (luckily) sturdy fabric, and instead of falling through it he simply rolled off it, landing on his stomach to the terrace floor. The gun slipped from his hands and ended up in the swimming pool. 

All air was pushed from his lungs by the impact. He groaned, checking his pocket for the flash drive before getting up and running off towards the garden. _‘Better to not breathe for a second than to break my legs’,_ he thought as he ran. His ribs were aching, though, and he was pretty sure there was a crack in there somewhere. 

He knew his hearing was coming back when he heard Oikawa was shrieking into his ear. "I’m heading for rendezvous point three, what’s your ETA?" He interrupted the other man, panting from the extertion.

_"Five minutes, and fuck you! You scared me shitless just now! What the hell is wrong with you?!"_

"I couldn’t take the stairs, there were bad guys blocking me," he rolled his eyes, glancing behind him. Before he could comprehend what exactly he was seeing, he was tackled viciously to the ground. He felt at least one rib snap as he landed with someone on top of him.

He was unceremoniously rolled onto his back, punched, and hands appeared around his neck. Oikawa was, again, screaming in his ear. He ignored the frantic calls for a status report, concentrating on the person currently attempting to crush his windpipe. His vision was starting flicker around the edges. He punched the man’s jaw, but the guy persisted. He raised both of his hands to the guy’s face, and promptly stuck his thumbs into the unfortunate man’s eyes. 

The effect was immediate. His throat was released with an agonized yell, and his hands were grabbed and forced down. Iwaizumi used the momentary relief to kick up to the man’s groin, and when the guy leaned forward in pain Iwaizumi headbutted him, successfully breaking a nose. Not his own, luckily. That would’ve been embarrassing.

Now that he had the man blinded and in quite some pain, it was easy to roll them over and get on top of the fight. He delivered one last punch to knock the guy out before stumbling to his feet and running. "Oikawa, I’m three minutes out," he panted. 

_"I’m standing by."_

Oh, now he was given the cold shoulder? Iwaizumi rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time tonight. He was about to comment on Oikawa’s newly-found professionalism when he more felt than heard bullets flying past him. "Fuck!" He ducked slightly, switching from running a straight line into more of a zig-zaggy line when something seemed to tap his shoulder blade. He glanced behind himself, but only saw distant figures. He groaned, deciding to circle around to the rendezvous point. "Make that six minutes, I’ll try to lose my tail."

_"No! You come straight here, and we'll get he hell away from here!"_

"I can't lead them right to you!" Iwaizumi argued, glancing back. He didn't see anyone anymore, but that didn't mean they weren't there.

_"I don't care if you have an army on your ass, you bring that ass of yours here right fucking now or I swear to God I'll tell Kuroo it was you who swiped his throwing knives!"_

"Jesus!" Iwaizumi shook his head, changing direction again. At least no one was shooting at him anymore. "Fine, get ready to haul ass!"

_"I'm glad you see it my way, bastard!"_

Oikawa was apparently not done yelling at him yet. Whatever, he could yell at him when they were elsewhere.

He finally saw the black sedan with the tinted windows from across the street. “I see you, I’m behind the bushes across the street,” he said, keeping his voice down.

_“Well, come on, then! We haven’t got all night!”_

“Shut up!” Iwaizumi hissed. “Give me a minute. I have to make sure no one’s following me.” He crouched down, watching the area around him carefully for any signs of movement.

_“You’re just being paranoid, Iwa-chan. I’m coming to you.”_

Iwaizumi heard him start the engine. He glanced around once more before forcing his way through the bush just as the car pulled over next to him. He cursed as the branches scratched him lightly on the way, but he ignored it otherwise in favour of opening the door and sitting in the back seat.

As soon as he’d closed the door, they were off. The movement jolted him against the seat, and he winced quietly at the sharp pain it caused to his ribs. 

“Just so you know, I’m mad at you." 

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, looking through the back window to see if anyone was following. Three men appeared from behind the bushes, but they didn’t seem to pay them any attention. He sighed in relief, turning back around and maneuvering himself into the front passenger seat. 

Once he got there, he buckled up his seat belt and turned his head to look at the driver. “I’m aware.”

Oikawa glanced at him. “You’re bleeding.”

“I’m aware of that, too.”

“Rude, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa huffed, turning his attention back to the road. As Oikawa drove them further away from the city centre, Iwaizumi took the time to check if his face looked as bad as Oikawa’s expression suggested. 

He leaned up, looking at himself through the rearview mirror. Yes, he looked as bad as Oikawa’s expression suggested, if not worse. He’d known his nose was bleeding, but the split lip was kind of new. There were some small cuts as well, which he figured were from going through a window. He sat back down, looking for the roll of paper towels he knew were in the glove compartment. 

“Stop bleeding on the upholstery.”

Huh? He, having found the paper towels, was wiping the excess blood from his face when Oikawa spoke up again. “I’m not bleeding on the upholstery,” he replied, slightly confused. 

This time, Oikawa looked at him. “Yes, you are. The back of your jacket is wet…” He trailed off, slowly coming to a realization. “Iwa-chan.”

“Huh,” Iwaizumi replied intelligently, remembering the tap he'd felt. “So that’s what that was. How far are we from base?”

Oikawa replied by accelerating. “Fifteen minutes.”

“Uh-huh,” Iwaizumi nodded, leaning back on the seat with a deep breath. “Think you could squeeze that to, like, twelve?”

“For you, Iwa-chan, I’ll squeeze it to ten,” Oikawa said cheerfully despite the situation. “Who knows, maybe we’ll even break our previous record!”

They made the rest of the trip in eight minutes. 

Iwaizumi was somewhat pale by the time Oikawa drove into the underground parking garage. Oikawa unbuckled both of them, glancing at Iwaizumi’s face as he did so. “Suga-chan’s already waiting for you in his office,” he said. “I think he was slightly miffed that his evening with Daichi was so rudely interrupted by you and your inconsiderate self getting hurt.”

Iwaizumi cracked a small smile. “Remind me to apologize to them later.”

“You should be apologizing to me,” Oikawa whined, opening Iwaizumi’s door from over his lap before hopping out himself and striding over to help Iwaizumi out of the car. “I’m the one that has to lug your heavy ass all the way there.”

“Tough shit,” Iwaizumi hissed, leaning on Oikawa as they walked. 

“That doesn’t sound like an apology, Iwa-chan.”

“Bite me.”

They bickered all the way to their friend’s office, which doubled as their medical facilities. A young man with startlingly silver hair and a gentle smile was waiting for them. “I hear you got yourself into some trouble, Iwaizumi,” he greeted.

Iwaizumi grinned apologetically. “I’m sorry I ruined your evening, Suga,” he said, glancing at Oikawa when the other snorted. 

Suga shook his head with a smile, watching as Oikawa helped Iwaizumi onto the examination table. “Nothing to be sorry about. Daichi was being a stick-in-the-mud, anyway,” he said, shrugging. “Now then, why are you bleeding?”

Before Iwaizumi could open his mouth, Oikawa spoke up. “Because he’s an idiot.” 

Suga arched an eyebrow, easing Iwaizumi’s jacket off as gently as he could. “I didn’t know that idiocy caused people to just start spontaneously bleeding.”

Oikawa shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest and scrunching his nose, like he always did when he wasn’t happy about something. “I think it’s a new phenomenon,” he snapped. 

Suga sighed. "Right. Go have a cup of tea, Oikawa-san. I’ll make sure this one doesn’t injure himself further," he said, his voice leaving no room for arguments.

Oikawa looked like he was going to try, anyway. Iwaizumi shook his head. "I’ll be fine. You’ve had a long night, Trashykawa. I’ll see you later?" He offered, allowing a small hiss to escape between his lips when Suga prodded the small hole in his shoulder.

Oikawa walked out in a huff. Iwaizumi sighed, while Suga simply settled with shaking his head.

"He’s upset with you. What did you do?"

"Nothing!" Iwaizumi defended himself hurriedly, removing his shirt as painlessly as he managed. "At least I think so."

"So, what he just said is true? You just… started spontaneously bleeding during a mission?” Suga questioned sarcastically, wiping the bullet wound with antiseptic before taking a pair of pliers from the side table. "This is going to hurt a bit. Did you want some local anaesthetic?"

Iwaizumi shook his head. "No, just dig it out," he said, bracing his hands on his knees. "I might’ve jumped out of a window," he admitted as an afterthought. 

Suga began extracting the bullet. "You’re a lucky man, Iwaizumi. The bullet lodged into your shoulder blade instead of going straight through," he pondered out loud, pulling the bullet out with relative ease and dropping it into a small pan. "Your shoulder seems to be a bullet magnet, so be on the lookout for that. Anything else I should know about?"

"There might be a broken rib or two," Iwaizumi grunted, gritting his teeth. He hated getting shot.

"Is that from when you jumped out of the window?" Suga asked, stapling the small wound shut and bandaging it carefully. 

"No, I think they only cracked when I landed," Iwaizumi assured him. "I felt a snap when I got tackled. By the guy who tried to strangle me." 

Shit. He was starting to see why Oikawa might be a little upset with him.

Suga sighed. "Right. And the bullet?" He went to the cupboard at the end of the room, pulling out more bandages.

"I think that happened when I was running to the rendezvouz point," Iwaizumi speculated. "I felt a tap on my shoulder."

Suga motioned for him to raise his arms, which he did dutifully. The fair-haired man began gently feeling up his ribs, frowning when he felt two of the lower ones give way beneath his fingers. “Two are definitely broken,” he concluded, grabbing the fresh bandages and began wrapping up his ribs. "We can’t get an x-ray until tomorrow, but I’m wrapping you up in any case. I’m also giving you some painkillers, and I expect you to take them."

Iwaizumi nodded quietly. He needed a drink. And he probably needed to talk to Oikawa, as well.

\--

Oikawa left Suga’s Medical room in a huff. He didn’t want any goddamn tea, he wanted Iwa-chan to see how much of a tool he was being! He really didn’t appreciate having to listen to the other man struggling to breathe after a fall, not to mention after being nearly choked!

Daichi was walking towards the Med room when he spotted him. "Oikawa? Where’s Iwa--"

Oikawa pointed behind himself with his thumb petulantly. Daichi gave a knowing ‘ah’-sound before nodding his head towards the small kitchen unit nearby. "Want to have a drink with me?"

"Sure," Oikawa agreed sullenly, following the other man into the kitchen and sitting down by the table. He let Daichi pour him a small amount of vodka from the freezer.

"What happened? Suga didn’t really explain," Daichi asked carefully, pouring himself a finger of whiskey. 

"Iwa-chan was being a fucking idiot again, that’s what," Oikawa said vehemently, downing the vodka and getting up to grab the bottle from where Daichi had left it.

Daichi sipped his whiskey, waiting for Oikawa to sit down again. "Care to elaborate?"

Oikawa poured himself another shot, downed it, and poured a third one he left alone for now. "He could’ve been killed! He got shot, and the idiot didn’t even notice it!" He fumed. "What if someone had hit him in the head instead of his shoulder? He’d be fucking dead!"

Daichi remained quiet. 

Oikawa continued his angry rambling. "Or, what if he’d broken his stupid legs? They’d have caught him, and he’d be dead, Daichi!" Oikawa shook his head. "He’d be dead, and I’d never see him again." His voice broke as he finished his short tirade, and he took a sip of vodka to steady himself.

"Look, Oikawa," Daichi began gently. "He knows the risks. You know the risks. Don’t get me wrong," he held his hands up when Oikawa was about to respond, silencing the other man. "I understand what you’re feeling. If it was Suga, I’d be furious and beside myself with worry just like you are. But the fact remains that one day someone won’t come back from a mission. We just have to take it day by day, mission by mission. You can’t start thinking ‘what if’ after every time you two go out. If you do that, you’ll destroy yourself and what you have with him."

Daichi finished his whiskey, filling up Oikawa’s glass once more before getting up to put the bottle away. "I’m not saying you shouldn’t worry. I’m saying you should trust him."

He squeezed Oikawa’s shoulder briefly before heading back to his office. He still had a lot of paperwork to do. 

Oikawa’s voice stopped him just as he reached the kitchen door. "You’re always so reliable, Daichi," he said softly. "I can see why your nickname is ‘Dadchi’."

Daichi sputtered. "‘Dadchi’?!"

\--

Sugawara had given him a bottle of painkillers, even though he’d insisted he had some leftovers from earlier visits to the Med room. Not that Iwaizumi particularly minded expanding his collection, but still. Suga’s budget had to be enormous, if he was able to hand out drugs left and right like that.

Iwaizumi stopped by the kitchen on his way to his and Oikawa’s rooms. He saw two glasses by the sink, which probably meant that someone had kept Oikawa company for a while. Possibly Daichi. 

He continued on his way, ending up at his and Oikawa’s rooms. The lights were on in their shared living spaces. Iwaizumi frowned. He’d expected to be up all night trying to find his irate partner. This was nicer, yes, but way more suspicious.

Not one to back down in front of a challenge, Iwaizumi opened the door and stepped in. Oikawa was sitting on the couch, drinking something clear. "Vodka again?"

Oikawa raised the glass a bit, as if to raise a toast. "Well done, Iwa-chan. How’d you know?"

"Educated guess," Iwaizumi closed the door, keeping his eyes on Oikawa as he set the usb stick he’d forgotten to hand over to Daichi to the kitchen table. He then made his way over to their liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of bourbon and a glass. He set them on a small glass table, and gingerly sat down on an armchair opposite of Oikawa. "Are you still mad at me?"

Oikawa shrugged. "I don’t know. Am I?" He took a sip of his drink, staring at Iwaizumi with an unreadable expression.

Unreadable to anyone but Iwaizumi, that is. "No," the injured man said eventually, pouring himself a drink as well. "You’re upset. I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry about it anyway. If you want, you can give me a list of things I’ve done wrong, and I’ll try not to do them again."

"That’s the thing, Hajime. As much as I want to write up a three-metre long list, I know it’s impossible for you to keep that promise in our line of work," Oikawa said with a small smile. "But thank you for the apology." He shrugged. "Very adult of you," he added teasingly.

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, pulling out the bottle of pills Suga had given him and popping three into his mouth. He washed them down with the bourbon, grimacing a bit at the aftertaste. 

"How bad does it hurt?" Oikawa asked, leaning forward to set his glass on the table. 

"A bit, hopefully not for long," Iwaizumi rubbed his eyes. "Jesus, I’m tired. Do you think we could just, I don’t know, go to bed and not be adults about anything for a few hours?"  
Oikawa snickered, standing up and easing Iwaizumi out his chair as well. "Sure."

Iwaizumi grinned as they walked towards the bedroom together. "Awesome. Oh, guess what, Tooru?"

"What?"

"Kuroo and Bokuto are back tomorrow."

"I thought they weren’t due back until next week?" Oikawa wondered, gently nudging the door open. He started stripping the second he stepped inside the bedroom, and threw his shirt into the corner around ten seconds later. "Something about surveillance?" 

"They weren’t," Iwaizumi grinned maliciously, unbuckling his belt and toeing off his shoes. "Apparently they were infiltrating their target’s place to bug it, but then they started fighting in the air ducts and fell through the roof, right in the middle of the target’s office."

"What?!" Oikawa stopped taking off his pants in order to stare at Iwaizumi incredulously. "Are you kidding me?"

Iwaizumi shook his head, still grinning. "I shit you not, Suga told me they were just hanging mid-air from their rope," he started laughing. "They were lucky there was no one in the office when it happened, but they can’t go back there anymore because of the damages, and because the target’s security caught them arguing on video!"

"Oh my god!" Oikawa laughed so hard he had to sit on the bed so he wouldn’t fall over. "Is that why Daichi’s still working?"

"Probably," Iwaizumi snickered and kicked off his pants before easing himself on the bed. "Daichi’s going to kill them." He fidgeted around for a bit before eventually settling on his back. Sure, the hole in his shoulder didn't appreciate that, but his ribs did. 

Oikawa laid down next to Iwaizumi, pulling the covers with him. He rolled onto his side and was about to touch Iwaizumi when he groaned and buried his face into his pillow. "Fuck, I forgot the lights," he mumbled.

Iwaizumi snorted. "Leave ‘em, the motion sensors will turn them off eventually."

Oikawa turned his face back towards Iwaizumi. "Hey."

Iwaizumi looked at him. "Hey yourself," he said softly. 

Oikawa raised his hand and trailed his fingers along Iwaizumi’s jawline. "I’m glad you’re not dead."

"Me too," Iwaizumi said with a small smile. Oikawa leaned in to give him a chaste kiss before lying back down as close as he could without hurting his partner. 

They laid quiet for a few minutes. 

"Hey," Iwaizumi said suddenly. "Wanna know what the kicker is?"

"What’s the kicker?" Oikawa asked, playing along even though he was so close to falling asleep.

"Those idiots were fighting about whether or not Charles Bronson always carries rope with him. I believe the phrase ‘name one thing you’re gonna need a stupid fucking rope for’ was used."

Oikawa laughed so hard the bed shook.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, please drop a comment or kudos if you want! :D

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Challenge](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7251772) by [AmaturefanO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmaturefanO3/pseuds/AmaturefanO3)




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